Saturday, February 16, 2008

It can't ALL be witty banter

My intention to begin a blog wasn't just to make myself and my few fans laugh. I want my blog to be an diary of my daily happenings, the good and the challenges. I find it interesting, however, that the funny stuff gets comments. The serious posts get few comments. Is no one listening? Do you not know what to say to the sad stuff? Well, the reason doesn't matter. I want to vomit out some of the junk in my mind. So, here goes.

I get depressed. I've had depression since I was a teenager. I come from a long line of crazies. Now, not necessarily so crazy that they can't function. Funny crazy. Dramatic crazy. Just enough crazy to make us interesting. And yes, I take my medication and I've been to counseling to figure out my issues, blah, blah, blah... Despite all this, my low days are low, and my good days are good. I really think my brain is wired wrong. Chemically imbalanced, if you will.

Well, boo-hoo. Poor little Sally. My life is not that hard. That's not the issue. I just can get profoundly sad sometimes. Lately, it's been paralyzing. Un-depressed people don't get it. They say, "Just get up. Do something. You'll feel better." Well, maybe. That used to work for me. But my lows weren't as low as they've been lately. And my good days are just okay now. I don't know how to fix it. I'm begging my baby sister to move out here and help me. I'd help her in return. We do better together. She's working on it. Hopefully she'll be here by the summer.

I used to be able to pull out of my slumps on my own. I'd change my life as needed, change my medication, go to counseling, exercise and take better care of myself. Then I'd be better for a bit. The formula's not working this time. I can identify when I slumped this time. It was 3 or so years ago when husband 2 of 2 got sick. I couldn't fix him. I still can't fix him. For a long time I forgot to take care of me and now I'm in a mess. It was like quicksand.

Ticee, when can you be here? I neeeed you. (whiney voice)

That's all. Back to witty banter.

6 comments:

Tice said...

It's true. The genetics of depression is amazing to me. And I like that you clarified that "un-depressed" people don't get it. They really don't. It can be very paralyzing so thanks for shedding light on the subject.

And thanks for admitting that you need me. I am fantastic, you know. Who wouldn't need a daily dose of me? :) I kid, of course. Sort of.

april said...

i've had similar thoughts about sharing "bad" stuff on my blog (and thanks again for unintentionally encouraging me to write about kirsten - that was good for me.) i do have a little theory as to why the thought-provoking stuff doesn't receive as many comments (thought-provoking being the key word in that sentence). sometimes your "bad stuff" posts take a while to digest and it's harder to think of a response, where when it's just some funny ditty, you can easily come up with a response.

i've actually been thinking about your post where you talked how it stunk to need surgery and i even read that article you set up a link to. i've been thinking about that post on and off since you wrote it. i have a hard time saying negative things myself without feeling like i'm complaining. like that article said, i can't stand the "hierarchy of suffering." i really detest when people try to imply that their lives are so much harder than yours. but it is rare that this happens to me. i find that more often, i sincerely find out about the sufferings and hardships of others and that makes me grateful for my own challenges. but how do you say: "this is hard for me" and not complain? i also find that i can't say something negative about a person without wrapping it with a ton of positive statements. i think it would be better if i could just simply state what bothers me. then there have been times where i told friends that bothers me and then it seems that they think i'm so upset and the whole thing gets blown up and all i was trying to do was just say something so i could move past it. then i wish i would've just kept it to myself. as you can see, my thoughts are still quite scattered? this is why i haven't commented on the topic.

on this post i will add that i like, rather need, my happy pills too. i'm sorry that you have to face the challenge of depression. i know a little of what an uphill battle that can be (more so from watching family members - but personally as well). lots of love!

natalie said...

This post will be mine in oh, lets say about 4 months?

philosophy phil said...

You ask a funny question: "Is no one listening?" This is a non sequitur, of course; commenting and listening (reading) are two different things and serve two very different purposes. The nature of a blog post is passive. I can read/listen and nothing is required. Commenting is not listening. In fact, I'm sure it can be argued that commenting, more often than not, serves to further the reader's (not the writer's) need for attention/justification/narcissism/etc. If that's true, then it could also be argued that a reader can refrain from commenting on the, as you put it, more serious stuff, out of respect for the tone of the post.

Of course, as you already stated, it could also simply be that the reader has nothing pertinent to add or feels inadequate in commenting on things that he or she simply does not understand or relate to.

That all said: I'm sorry to hear about the depression. And while I'm in no way qualified to make some quippy remark relating to it, I do hope the right circumstances line up soon such that you get onto happier days.

moosh in indy. said...

Heh, BEING CHEMICALLY IMBALANCED IS SO MUCH STINKING FUN.
Really, it does make life more interesting. Move out of Utah, that helped me tons. Just don't move to Indiana, this place doesn't do so well for the feel goods.

Melanie said...

I really appreciate when people are honest on their blogs and can say what's really going on. I have felt for months now that I can't post because I have nothing positive to give. I posted one thing about my depression without really getting into it. Like you said, no one really wants to comment and it makes me feel like a big whiner. Just know that there are others of us out there who totally understand. I don't know you, but I wish the best for you. :)