Monday, September 15, 2008

My massive case of Young Wife Syndrome; An apology to Jared

I have a large confession to make. My name is Sally and I am a recovering sufferer of Young Wife Syndrome. You know the symptoms. Especially all you husbands of young wives. Symptoms of this dreaded syndrome include, but aren't limited to:
  • Use of the phrase "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I can handle it." and then proceeding to pout/ stomp around the house and/or sit quietly with the arms crossed and brow furrowed
  • Slamming of doors, dishes or other passive-aggressive behavior in said husband's presence when not pleased with him
  • Insisting I will be happy with one shopping trip for clothing/ housewares/new hair cut/jewelry. Then said happiness only lasts for an hour or so.
  • Asking husband for his opinion but never using said advice and/or choosing to use his opinion against him (i.e. "I knew you thought I looked fat/ugly/silly/revolting")
  • Guilting him into activities that you know he doesn't want to go on and know he'll be uncomfortable and miserable.
  • Pouting when husband is 2 or more minutes late from work/soccer game/oil change/dentist appointment/insert other activity here
  • Re-hashing a subject (i.e. you think I'm hideous, don't you? Just admit it.) over and over and over and over and over and over.....
  • Using the phrase "just admit it" over and over and then getting upset when he actually admits something.
  • Not putting even a single dish into the dishwasher because that is his job.
  • Not washing or putting away a single article of clothing because laundry is his job.
  • Not doing any yard work because that is his job.
  • Letting him choose the TV show/movie/soccer game to watch and then sighing loudly with profound disgust in my voice.
  • Claiming a headache/stomachache/ too tired to accompany him to a soccer game/friend's house/scooter event. Then pouting at his decision to go without me.
  • Overuse of the phrase "I'm sorry I'm so fat."

What's worse in my case is that I put 2 husbands through this pathetic behavior. And I was waaaaaaaaaay worse with husband 2. At least with husband 1 I can claim that I was, in fact, very young. I have no excuse for my behavior with husband 2. All I can do is apologize and acknowledge my appalling behavior.

Maybe some young wife out there in blog land can learn from my mistakes. Even if one young wife improves her behavior, the world will be a better place.

p.s. You may be wondering how I became aware of YWS. How did I all-of-a-sudden realize and recognize YWS? Well, I have worked with many a young wife this year and have heard them talk about their husbands and how they have the above symptoms or a portion there-of. I began to be embarrassed for them and realized how they sound just like me. I felt sorry for the husbands. I discussed the symptoms with Tice and we realized together the epidemic of YWS and that she, too is a former YWS sufferer.


natalie said...

Um... so what you're saying is that I'm a sufferer of YWS, eh. Makes sense, it's all coming together now.
Question: Is there a cure or some sort of end to this syndrome? And what about YMS? I have a feeling Fiel has a slight form of that.

Sally Sirmans (Walker?) said...

Well, the thing with YWS is that you can only diagnosis yourself, it's something you have to realize on your own. And, don't go blaming the men, isn't that just another symptom of YWS? Hmmmm?

natalie said...

So husbands always right? Sounds a little 1950's.

Sally Sirmans (Walker?) said...

Calm down, missy! I never said anything about either side being right or wrong. Placing blame is not productive.

Defensive, much? Perhaps your YWS is a worse case than originally thought:)

natalie said...

Whoa there. I wasn't freaking out, just simply asking a good question. sigh. Let me explain.
When I said fiel has YMS, I was just saying he has some of the symptoms too. No blaming, just my observation.
As for my 1950's comment. Sure we're whinny, crazy, give hints instead of directly saying what we feel, did I say whinny? But the men are too. We're not entirely at fault here.
Example: You have two children under the age of 2, one is sick, one is teething, you've been cleaning up vomit all day, haven't had time to shower, you need to prepare for... oh lets say a church activity that you're having that night, and you decided to let the house chores wait until later in the evening, or maybe the next day? Husband comes home from work and says "Wha! What have you been doing all day, huh?! I work all day long so you can sit here and do nothing! Maybe I should stay home with the kids and YOU go work. I would love to watch TV all day long in my pjs. Geeze, gimme a break here!"
Sound familiar?
My point is I love the post, it made my laugh... at myself, I am a current sufferer of YWS, and my husband has the male version.
Sorry for writing a whole book here in your comments.

natalie said...

May I type a YWS sufferers response to my previous and dead on example?
YWM response: " Why are you 20 minutes late? Excuse me? So I've been doing nothing all day, eh? Well then here, go clean up the vomit thats all over the couch, I'm too busy doing nothing. Heaven knows we need the blessings (in reference to the church activity), you'd have to be blind not to see that! Poor thing, you've been at work for 7 hours. Motherhood is a 24 hour a day job, at least you get time away. "
Ah...deyz wuz the good ol' dayz.

Tice said...

Now now ladies. There's no need to be all up in a tizzy about it. Is that how one would spell tizzy? There's no shame in admitting that you have had or do, in fact, currently suffer from YWS. BUT...once acknowledgement has been made...sit back and watch yourself next time you're upset with him. It's all about awareness.

@ Natalie - Yes, men can suffer from it too. But wouldn't it be YHS? Young husband syndrome?

natalie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
natalie said...

@Sally: All in all. You've made an outstanding discovery about the women folk. Us women should be more aware of our lashing outs and such. I'm proud to say that I've taken a few steps back to reflect on my reactions and I'm getting better*ish at holding back.
@Tice (whinny voice) But tizzies are fun. I like them, I really do.

Lori said...

Um, ladies, hate to break it to you, but it's not just a "young" wives syndrome. Maybe, for a few years the syndrome lets up but I have a feeling that when menopause comes around the syndrome comes back with a vengeance!

Candace said...

What did the toilet say to the other toilet?

april said...

ok, candace, you got me. what did the toilet say to the ohter toilet?

Candace said...

finally....april's the only one who has my back...

the answer is....



"you look a little flushed"

ba dum cha (ting ting)

april said...

very funny, candace. thanks for answering. i had checked back before for the punchline but hadn't done it for a while. i just remembered today about that unanswered joke that was haunting me a little. thanks.