Thursday, December 11, 2008

I Can't Be Mean

I found out on Monday that Jared remarried a month ago. In fact, he remarried 6 days after our divorce. He didn't even mention that he was seeing someone seriously in any of our several conversations over the last month.

And I'm hurt and angry at this news. I composed an angry blog entry exposing the bad parts of our marriage. It was raw and real and it felt good to type it. But I can't post it. I just can't be mean. I learned that from my mother. She is never mean. She can find good in anyone or any situation.

I want to scream to the world every detail of what it was like to go through Jared's illness with him. I want everyone to know how I fought for him. I wanted him to fight for himself. But he shoved me away. And I feel like my efforts accomplished nothing.

I am frustrated that I can't bring myself to say more.

I wish him the best. I hope he found what he needed. I hope she can make him live.


natalie said...

Sally, many of us are aware of everything you've done for Jared. And many of us know and shared your frustrations when things got tough. You hung in there longer than I ever would have, that's for sure.
I too wish him the best, and hope his new wife is a saint because she's got a long and winding road ahead of her.

Ah great. Now I've got that Beatles song stuck in my head now.

Kim said...

Sally, I can't imagine going through what you have had to go through-- with your ex getting married lickety flippin mom went through something similar with my dad and I know how hard it was for her. I'm sorry you are feeling that hurt,too. :(

I got the Church News in the mail today and I read a quote just now that made me think of you:
"As you overcome adversity in your life, you will become stronger. Then you will be better able to help others--those who are working, in their turn, to find a safe harbor from the storms that rage about them."
-Elder Wirthlin
I don't know if that provides any comfort at all, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

You should go do something just for you that makes you happy. You surely deserve it!

Trent and Amelia said...

I love you!! And I agree with everything that was already said. just know there are lots and lots of people who love you! That was a very nice post, well written. I have good news just for you- I found the VHS of the car thing at your parents house. The bad news is that its not that funny. dang it.

Amanda said...

Sally, I love you too and think about you often. I especially think fondly about those days of bonding after your first divorce. I wish I still lived close enough to hang out and listen to all your advice. But I guess we should both just work on moving to Florida with the rest of the family. PS I want to read your original post and am shocked that Jared got married so quickly, he's weird.

Lori said...

Hey, I just found out last night when Natalie mentioned he got married.
You did so much for him. We all know you did. We love you.